Tips for acting wisely after infidelity between spouses
Infidelity between spouses can manifest itself in a variety of ways, with what they all have in common is the fact that it involves a crisis of trust and a blatant violation of the system of conventions that were acceptable to the couple.
There are emotional betrayals, physical betrayals whose purpose is solely sex, financial betrayals during which one party hides dramatic financial moves and/or gambles with the family’s money, and so on.
Usually when they say betrayal In the context of marriage, we mean romantic infidelity, and that is where we would like to direct the current discussion.
Studies show that half of people cheat. Whether it’s a one-time betrayal or a long-term affair, it’s very useful to know how to behave after a betrayal in order to try to minimize the damage that will inevitably be caused by that betrayal, whether it’s discovered or not.
In the review before you, I bring Editor Justice Sharon Segal Practical tips that will help you deal with the actions you have taken and make the right and best decision for you and your family.
Stay in the marriage or break up the package?
If you cheated, the first question you need to ask yourself is whether it was a one-time mistake, or whether the need to cheat overwhelms you and you want to commit the betrayal again, in its current form or with someone else.
The answer to this question is not directly related to whether you want to stay in the marriage or end the relationship, but it has a huge impact on that decision.
Couples therapy is the key to restoring the relationship.
If you have cheated and you regret it and want to stay in the existing relationship, you have two options – reveal or hide.
If you choose to disclose, it is highly advisable to accompany the disclosure with deep remorse and professional couples therapy, if the betrayed party agrees to this. You must take into account that there is a possibility that your remorse will be rejected and your wife will file for divorce following the disclosure of the infidelity.
In this case, you should contact a lawyer immediately. and receive personal legal advice.
If you choose to hide the betrayal that took place, you must take into account that living a lie is not a pleasure, to say the least, and in any case, it is very worthwhile to go to psychological therapy, in order to try to find out what the motives for the betrayal are and to prevent repeated betrayal.
In addition to personal therapy, we recommend seeking couples therapy to try to improve your relationship with your wife, address sensitive and silenced issues in the relationship, and work on the relationship so that you don’t again reach a situation where one of the partners feels the need to vent and fulfill their desires with others.
Whether it’s repeated infidelity, with the same woman or with different women, it’s important that you understand that you’re putting your marriage in danger and secrets almost always end up being revealed.
The best tip we can give you is to make a decision and choose – or To separate and dissolve the marriage, or stop the cheating and try to work on the relationship.
In any case, you really shouldn’t continue to hide and trick the relationship with difficulties and lies, which will certainly hurt you, your wife and/or children at some point.
Be the first to file for divorce
There are all kinds Myths about divorceBut the blanket recommendation to be the first to file for divorce is actually correct and relevant.
If you have come to the conclusion following the betrayal that you are not happy in your current place and you wish to break up, or alternatively, if your wife found out about the betrayal and decided that she wants to separate, it is very advisable to hurry and file the divorce petition with her.
This way you will have control over where the divorce proceedings will take place in all respects. To choose the right court for you – The Rabbinical Court or the Family Court.
These are the legal consequences of treason
A woman’s betrayal of her husband will violate her right to receive Her address On the termination of the marriage and her rights to receive alimony, but only on the condition that the other party brings solid evidence of the wife’s infidelity, obtained through competent means.
Apart from the ketubah, the division of property will not be affected, and this is according to Law Financial Relations 1973-1973, which states that infidelity will not result in a violation of the rights of the unfaithful spouse to the joint property.
The reason for this is that, unlike many other countries in the world, the system used in Israel does not place blame on the party interested in ending their shared life and therefore does not support the violation of their rights.
As of today, also Home Rabbinic Law These provisions of the law are supposed to be applied, in accordance with the High Court ruling. This is in contrast to what was previously accepted according to the provisions of Jewish law, which states that in the event that there is evidence of infidelity by one of the spouses, this will result in a violation of that party’s rights to property due to an element of guilt in the dissolution of the family unit.
In family court, infidelity will not affect the custody issue at all, as this is determined accordingly. For the benefit of the child And not according to the interests of his parents.
As for the rabbinical courts, they do not treat infidelity with leniency, but even in this framework, custody is determined in accordance with the recommendations of the review, and therefore, as long as the infidelity does not affect the ability to properly care for the child, the custody issue will not be affected.
Consult a lawyer before making a decision!
Betrayal is a complex issue and should be treated with all seriousness and sensitivity. There are stumbles in life and people make serious mistakes. The question is whether you forgive the mistake and grow from it or whether you sink into an abyss from which there is no return.
In any case of betrayal, and especially if small children are involved, it is very important to consult with a Experienced lawyer in the field of family law, in order to plan the future in an informed manner, protect your interests, and minimize as much as possible the expected harm to the family unit and in particular to the marital relationship.
Regardless of whether you want to restore the relationship and the trust that has been damaged or you want to get a divorce, take a deep breath, try to neutralize impulsiveness and carefully choose your next steps, with the hope that those choices will bring you and all parties involved maximum happiness and minimum emotional and financial damage.
Further reading: How to get divorced correctly and avoid mistakes!
