The best interests of your children in the divorce process
How can you cause minimal harm to your children during the divorce process? Your children know more than you tell them. They are attentive to you and your mother, picking up on every nuance of change in tone of voice, mood, and behavior, and deep down they wish you would stay together.
When you inform them about The divorce, It will no longer be news to them, but it will still hurt and it is highly desirable to prepare them for the process in a sober manner, but most of all, the more you both manage things between you in a friendly, pleasant, and respectful manner and not in a self-righteous, loud, and vengeful manner.
This increases the likelihood that they will emerge from the divorce in good standing, and the divorce will not harm their studies, friendships, self-images, and their worldview regarding relationships.
You should know that until your child becomes an adult, you are his personal example of a man and a woman and the relationship between them, so you should act with discretion.
If you have any substantial disagreements, don’t do it in front of him and certainly don’t involve him in the dispute, even if he is the subject.
On the other hand, once you have made a decision about divorce, do not hide or gloss over the reality, but make it clear to him that you are separating and that one of you is leaving the house and that this is for the best for all parties.
If the divorce is due to infidelity, There’s no need to go into all the gossipy details and gossip about each other in the hope that the child will take your side and help you feel right and holy from the torment.
If you are tempted to do this, your child may develop a tendency to be suspicious of members of the opposite sex and make it difficult for him to trust, an important ingredient in building his intimacy in the future.
Try to remember that before a barrier was created between you, you loved and respected each other, and a genuine attempt to get through the divorce amicably, or at least correctly, if there is no shred of friendship left between you, is the sane path.
Yes, even if the other person crossed the line and hurt you. You still share children, property, and many shared experiences.
You will still need to see each other, talk on the phone, correspond, and raise your children together.
Read more: The psychological impact of divorce on you and your children
The child doesn’t live with you? That’s no reason to disappear!
Even if you’re not together, he still needs a father and a mother, guidance and love from both of you. Make sure to spend time with him and not just in front of the TV or doing homework.
Listen to him and his nonverbal cues and encourage him to share how he feels about the divorce.
Children who do not process the divorce process tend to repress it, and then their disappointment and frustration finds a way to erupt in other areas of their lives.
Read about it: The importance of coordination between parents in everything that concerns children
The divorce process is not easy for anyone involved, and even if everything is done in a civilized manner and with healthy transparency towards the children, it is still a process that requires adaptation and time until life returns to normal.
If you have a new partner, be gentle and don’t expect the child to accept and even love the partner immediately. Give things time to digest, talk to him at eye level and respect his decisions, even if you don’t agree with them.
A child, like any person, wants to be listened to and have a dialogue about everything that concerns them. If you do this, the moment will come when they will understand you and support the new life you have created.
