To fight without breaking the dishes
Arguments are an inevitable part of life, especially when they erupt within the inherently complex framework within which a romantic relationship exists.
Couples at the beginning of their marriage, and even after thirty years of marriage, have a lot in common, and if the parties do not know how to behave during and after an argument, the chances increase. That the healthy and happy relationship What was their fate will become a charged and miserable battlefield.
Although it is impossible to completely avoid quarrels, and moreover, it is also really not worth living in a relationship where you don’t fight about anything but keep everything bottled up.
But there is a big but – you have to know how to fight and how not to turn every fly into a giant elephant that lingers in the space of the house, making the place cramped and suffocating and remaining stuck between the couple like a large, clouding mass, with no intention of moving away.
There will always be disagreements, the question is how we approach resolving them and whether there is any intention on the part of the couple to reach an agreement or whether every quarrel is predestined for chaos and, later, serious marital destruction, which could lead to a deterioration in the relationship and even to the opening of legal proceedings. Divorce.
In the following review, we have compiled seven tips for you that will hopefully make your arguments more bearable and, no less importantly, useful and effective.
Talk about what hurts and don’t keep it in your stomach.
The first tip regarding the question of how to fight properly within a relationship is related to the degree of cooperation and openness that exists in your family unit.
In other words, how well you communicate the difficulties and talk about what hurts when disagreements arise. Couples who bottle up and fail to talk about the problems in their marriage will often suffer from more dramatic and heated arguments than couples who air their problems as they actually happen.
Therefore, we would like to recommend to you from the bottom of our hearts – talk about what hurts and don’t keep it in your stomach. And while we’re on the subject of talking, it’s worth adding that it’s important to listen to the other side and not just hear, in order to create positive and constructive communication.
Remember to treat your partner with respect.
The culture of dialogue within a relationship, and especially during an argument, is just as important. It helps to communicate productively and achieve results from the crisis that bring about positive change.
This may seem obvious, but the reality on the ground shows that in the moment of truth, too many couples forget to apply it and choose to insult, use their partner’s weaknesses, impose their opinion, To use verbal violence And/or physically and in general, making the atmosphere aggressive, threatening, and disgusting.
Instead of yelling, cursing, and humiliating others, try to treat your partner the way you would hope to be treated, which means with tolerance, listening, and mutual respect.
Not everyone needs to hear you many times.
It’s true that you can’t always choose the right time and the preferred place to have a fight, but if you manage to take a deep breath before you start a heated argument and check who’s next to you, your fights will inevitably be less terrible, and the explanation for this lies in two reasons.
The first is that not everyone needs to hear you argue because it creates an unpleasant atmosphere and presents your relationship with the environment in a negative light.
The second and most significant is that when you argue in the presence of other people, ineffective and unnecessary factors are automatically added to the fight, such as ego, judgment, and the like.
Don’t look for solutions during the chaos.
People have a tendency to try to find solutions here and now, and if possible amidst the chaos, then so be it.
This is the place to clarify that in times of anger it is much more difficult to reach understandings, and therefore, it will almost always be better to let things calm down and try to resolve matters when both parties are more peaceful and able to truly listen to each other and not just hear.
In this context, we would add that it is really not worth giving each other ultimatums, and in any case, an ultimatum is not the solution to anything, but only another factor that creates distance and prevents you from reaching good and healthy joint choices for both parties.
Choose the war worth fighting
You can’t fight about everything, in life in general and in relationships in particular. Therefore, choose the essential issues that bother you and that you are not willing to discuss, and try to bring them up for discussion.
Dwelling only on what is truly important and not on all the nonsense will allow you to manage the argument from a position of strength, and not only that, but such conduct will inevitably increase the chances that the other side will want to cooperate.
Remember the parable about the boy who cried “wolf, wolf,” warning of danger even when it didn’t exist, and at some point no one listened anymore.
When the wolf came, he shouted, but the people around him didn’t hear and he was devoured. This parable is very relevant to relationships, and if you shout “wolf, wolf” about anything that bothers you, your partner will probably stop paying attention.
Get to the bottom of the problem and focus on it
During an argument, we sometimes get lost and start opening a ledger about issues that are completely irrelevant to the argument itself. Bookkeeping and accounting within a relationship provoke antagonism, divert the discussion from the topic, and cause both parties to get caught up in an exhausting, long, and very ineffective debate.
Instead of making generalizations and reminding the other party what they did wrong or didn’t do at all a month ago, try to get to the bottom of the problem that started the current fight and focus on it and only it.
You’ll be surprised to know that when you approach each issue on its own merits, it’s much easier to understand the root of the problem and find an appropriate solution for it that will be agreed upon by both parties.
Know how to end and close the fight
Not every dispute has a solution, and it’s perfectly fine to agree to disagree. However, even when you disagree, you need to know how to end the fight, and an ending where both partners go to bed angry, back to back at best, and in the living room at worst, is definitely not an ideal ending to a fight.
It is important to know how to back down, ask for forgiveness, apologize, forgive, or simply embrace and promise to leave the residue from the argument aside and, in any case, not to drag the quarrel out for hours or days.
Dragging out the argument makes it more monstrous, causes intense frustration on both sides, damages trust, and makes it very difficult to lead a pleasant and safe daily life.
Did you start a fight? You’ll find a way to end it too.
Read more on the topic: Practical tools to help save your marriage
